whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
