She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
