Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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