I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
