wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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