3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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