Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
