Don't make out with my wife yet
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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