i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
