do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
