What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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