Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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