We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
