umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
third nipple confirmed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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