you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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