dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
