i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
