i just wanna soil my oats bro
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
