Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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