Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize