Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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