so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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