There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ttyl tear gas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
