remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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