It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
