he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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