Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
