trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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