It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize