I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
