listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
