this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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