When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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