A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
