The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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