You just made me feel so damn special
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
