I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
