guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
