I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
third nipple confirmed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
