Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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