Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
