Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
