She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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