The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
