There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
