'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
