I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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