The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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