you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
