My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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