Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
