he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
