ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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