apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
