apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
