Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
