White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
