if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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