I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
